• Valentine's Day

    Valentine's Day

    ★★

    im convinced this movie is the reason british people have that little god complex o theirs. we tried love actually once MAYBE twice and now they’re all up in our business like “oi at least we dont shewt up owa skewels innit x” go locate a dentist babes

  • Carnage

    Carnage

    ★★★½

    this movie was a middle school staple of mine (because i had issues) and now that im an adult it’s my goal in life to produce a low budget production of this at some weird suburban community theater. you are all invited to sit on hard velvet seats and watch some white woman with 2 credits yell about suffering in africa and it’s gonna feel like you’re being held hostage and it’s gonna be horrible. coming fall 2022

  • The Fate of the Furious

    The Fate of the Furious

    ★★★★½

    now i don't know much about marvel but i fully believe that even the weakest member of toretto's team could singlehandedly take on any avenger and win in under 60 seconds. dwayne could rip apart iron man's suit with his bare hands, ms. rodriguez can and would beat the hulk's ass, and tyrese! could! make! thanos! cry! these movies make superheroes look like little costumed bitches running around in their jammies sorry "captain america" but the street always wins

  • The Social Network

    The Social Network

    ★★★★★

    next thing i knew armie hammer was being accused of forced cannibalism

  • Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw

    Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw

    ★★★★

    god i would kill to have been in the room when dwayne thee rock johnson said the words “genocide schmenocide”. i don’t know how anyone is talking about anything else and i don’t mean in the letterboxd reviews for this film i mean in life in general. genocide schmenocide

  • August: Osage County

    August: Osage County

    ★★★½

    can you imagine writing something this insane and it’s ultimately like nowhere near the most unhinged thing you’ve ever written. tracy letts if you see this can you email me i have questions

  • Pieces of a Woman

    Pieces of a Woman

    ★★★

    they had benny safdie hit the vape and for what. what did that add. that’s all im thinking about

  • The Clique

    The Clique

    ★★★★★

    it’s a new year! and in the style of massie block i thought i would give you my very own state of the union for 2021, what may just be our final year:

    IN:
    • reading more than 2 books a year
    • the color sage green
    • miniseries that do not exceed 6 episodes
    • big noses
    • using cookbooks instead of online recipes

    OUT:
    • celebrity twitter accounts - all of them
    • blondes
    • indie music where the vocalist gives us absolutely nothing
    • men over 5’10
    • movies released after 2008

    birkenstocks you may stay but you’re on thin ice

  • Promising Young Woman

    Promising Young Woman

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    big shoutouts to girlboss carey and her male wife bo burnham! but i must say, it is bizarre to release a revenge film where the police ultimately take care of everything! like........very bizarre!

    this is what my brain sounded like while I was watching!

    cool fits tho!

  • A Teacher

    A Teacher

    ★★½

    bye gotta go break up with my perfect husband because eric from 3rd period is just too irresistible

  • Tenet

    Tenet

    ★★★

    girl help i want a big strong man named robert pattinson to come and explain this movie to me but i know he doesn’t get it either

  • After We Collided

    After We Collided

    babe you will never be anastasia steele