one time i met jesse eisenberg and told him the social network is my favorite movie and he asked me if i was even old enough to see it

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Recent reviews

  • Carnage



    this movie was a middle school staple of mine (because i had issues) and now that im an adult it’s my goal in life to produce a low budget production of this at some weird suburban community theater. you are all invited to sit on hard velvet seats and watch some white woman with 2 credits yell about suffering in africa and it’s gonna feel like you’re being held hostage and it’s gonna be horrible. coming fall 2022

  • The Fate of the Furious

    The Fate of the Furious


    now i don't know much about marvel but i fully believe that even the weakest member of toretto's team could singlehandedly take on any avenger and win in under 60 seconds. dwayne could rip apart iron man's suit with his bare hands, ms. rodriguez can and would beat the hulk's ass, and tyrese! could! make! thanos! cry! these movies make superheroes look like little costumed bitches running around in their jammies sorry "captain america" but the street always wins

Popular reviews

  • Avengers: Infinity War

    Avengers: Infinity War


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    if any of you marvel bitches make me watch tom holland cry ever again im gonna lose my damn mind

  • Bohemian Rhapsody

    Bohemian Rhapsody


    always fun when a poorly written script includes a scene where characters accuse each other of being bad writers